I can feel you on the wind, running through the universe, and across my mind…
I just wanna say me and my boyfie would be really great but there’s just something missing and we’re fundamentally different and just generally have an expiration date and everybody’s just waiting especially that girl Bitchtits for us to break up which is going to be soon.
Like, our physical chemistry is great, okay. But we obviously just don’t see the concept of “losing it” the same. And I know that my grammar is bad here but this a rant so just deal with it. I’m much more liberal and he’s way conservative and I’m scared that I’m gonna really just break his heart if he loses “it” to me and I just dump him later.
We really don’t have much in common and I’m super tired of his lack of punctuation and frequent misspellings and just constantly having to explain myself when I ramble on about something he doesn’t know. I’m sure he’s tired of my annoying weird horny ass too.
Don’t get me wrong; he is sweet, kind, friendly, and hot, but he’s just not for me.
(I really gotta stop with these unbelievably creative blog post titles or else I might end up winning a Pulitzer Prize in Journalism. Watch out, Anderson Cooper…)
I had a bad dream. A woman with long hair on fire (presumably of Japanese origin, because she seemed like a character in one of those very scary Japanese movies) was chasing me in a building in Pittsburgh … ??? It’s really weird, since I’ve never been, or have much interest in going there. Not only that, within the building, there were stairs. Underneath the stairs was a guy with long blond untamed hair claimed to be Jesus and told me and another person, possibly my cousin Miggy, to believe in him or something like that. I was surprisingly cynical and thought that the guy might need psychological help. I did ponder the possibility of him actually being the messiah or whatever but I ultimately didn’t buy it. That’s kind of weird and maybe a Freudian attempt of my brain to present the contrast between me and my overly faithful mother. Yep. I said it. She’s overly faithful. My grandmother is a faithful person too, more so than Mom, but aside from praying a lot and and being an overall kind person, she isn’t at all obsessive. My Mom, however, insists that we pray in the car every time we leave the house and insists that she’s always right, right, right, and any other way that people choose to proclaim their spirituality (or lack of) is simply wrong. She’s really rude about it and maybe that’s why I had to have had that Jesus part of the dream.
Well, the morning was rather uneventful and I watched my shows with my grandma. My mom needed to get something for her feet and she told me we would go to the mall afterwards and that she’d get me stuff. I told I really don’t deserve it since I did extremely poorly on my classes this semester. She said she still wants to get me stuff.
Long story short, she got me two sweaters and she complained that she had a headache so she spent the rest of the day being basically a bitch the whole way. I saw really cute stuff in Abercrombie, American Eagle, and Urban Outfitters and realized that a couple hundred dollars would basically get me my dream wardrobe. Yeah, whatever. I’m really vain, okay? Somehow I feel inadequate if my clothes are crappy. I mean, I really try to present myself well most of the time. But God knows it’s just never good enough.
Something I’ve noticed all my life that was especially evident today is that people look at me wherever I go. Is it ‘cause I’m ugly? Is it ‘cause my outfit? Am I awkward? Clumsy? Unattractive? Fat? Can people smell weirdness? Ahh, these are things I’ll never understand. And also why people are either really receptive or really rude to me. I don’t know. I guess I just don’t get people. I don’t really understand how they can go on with their lives, going through the motions, without even noticing a little how absurd it is. Because believe me, if they did they’d be just as weird as me. And it’s sad, I’m naturally really outgoing, but through the years I’ve been more and more introverted because I guess the way I am just turns off people, and it hurts me to try to reach out to them and just get shut out.